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Funny Christmas Sayings

Friday 25 March, 2016.

Funny Christmas sayings, holiday sayings, funny short sayings, inspirational quotes and sayings about Christmas to add to your festive cheer. Choose your favourite to use on cards or text messages.

Holiday stress is real for all of us! We hope our selection of favourite Christmas sayings helps you see the lighter side of the season…

Have a chuckle, feel inspired and look for the positive!

Funny Christmas Sayings



funny christmas sayings“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”
~ Shirley Temple ~

“In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukkah’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!”
~ Dave Barry, “Christmas Shopping: A Survivor’s Guide” ~

“Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? Because every buck is dear to him ”
~ Author Unknown ~

“Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
~ Dennis Miller ~

More Funny Christmas sayings…

“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.”
~ Dave Barry ~

Happy Christmas

“In our racist, sexist society, Christmas is the 8 hours when we stop killing each other and gratutious over eating is encouraged so that the starving and other people in the world can die!”
~ Lloyd Kaufman ~

Enjoy my best funny Christmas sayings…

“There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.”
~ P.J. O’Rourke ~

“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
~ Johnny Carson ~

“Our children await Christmas presents like politicians getting in election returns: there’s the Uncle Fred precinct and the Aunt Ruth district still to come in.”
~ Marcelene Cox ~

“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.”
~ Phyllis Diller ~

One of my favourite Funny Christmas sayings…

“Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space. ”
~ Dave Barry ~

“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”
~ Jerry Seinfeld ~

More funny Christmas sayings…

“Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.”
~ Author Unknown ~

Happy Christmas“The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants.”
~ John Andrew Holmes ~

“I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said ‘Happy Birthday’ on it. I didn’t want to waste it so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.”
~ Demetri Martin ~

Funny Christmas sayings to make you laugh…

“Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer…. Who’d have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?”
~ Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes ~

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”
~ Bernard Manning ~

“I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.”
~ Dick Gregory ~

“Bloody Christmas, here again, let us raise a loving cup, peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up.”
~ Wendy Cope ~

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.”
~ Victor Borge ~

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”
~ Shirley Temple ~


“From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.”
~ Katherine Whitehor ~

“Roses are reddish
Violets are bluish
If it weren’t for Christmas
We’d all be Jewish.”
~ Benny Hill ~

“Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.”
~ Author Unknown ~

“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.”
~ Jay Leno ~

Look for “Christmas Quote Books” through
They have a great selection!
Makes a lovely gift!

These may not be funny Christmas sayings, but I love these Christmas quotes which make me think…

Hope you find them inspiring…


More Christmas Sayings

The Grinch“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”
~ Dr Seuss, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas~

“We hear the beating of wings over Bethlehem and a light that is not of the sun or of the stars shines in the midnight sky. Let the beauty of the story take away all narrowness, all thought of formal creeds. Let it be remembered as a story that has happened again and again, to men of many different races, that has been expressed through many religions, that has been called by many different names. Time and space and language lay no limitations upon human brotherhood. ”
~ New York Times, 25 December 1937, quoted in Quotations For Special Occasions by Maud van Buren, 1938 ~

“Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won’t make it ‘white’.”
~ Bing Crosby ~

“I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. ”
~ Charles Dickens ~

“At Christmas, all roads lead home.”
~ Marjorie Holmes ~

“May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through!”
~ Author Unknown ~

“Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.”
~ Peg Bracken ~

“May you have the gladness of Christmas which is hope;
The spirit of Christmas which is peace;
The heart of Christmas which is love.”
~ Ada V. Hendricks ~

“I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!”
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow ~

Funny Christmas Quotes


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